Friday, October 21, 2011

Occupy Safeway

I envision a massive crowd of suburban uber-moms standing on top of their SUVs.

These are our demands:

1. Only healthy junk food, with pictures of rain forests and bunnies so I know it's safe
2. Fresh organic lettuce, sold in plastic bags, preferably pre-cut, because who has time.
3. No dirt-- otherwise who KNOWS where that turnip has been
4. Healthy options at MacDonald's. If you eat a salad with the Big Mac, I'm pretty sure it has fewer calories.
5. Have Maria teach me the proper pronunciation of "habanero" next time she comes to clean
6. All vegetables presented in faux wood bins, with real wicker baskets instead of shopping carts so I can pretend I'm at the Farmers Market, which is full of all these farmers, which can't be sanitary
7. A special display with 14 different heirloom tomatoes (not 14 types--14 tomatoes) so I can say I've seen one. Make sure they cost $7 apiece so I can complain about how organic (sic) is too expensive
8. Candy in the checkout aisle. Because those nuts from Occupy Safeway are blocking access to the candy.
9. Support local farmers! Give them jobs as baggers, since their farms are all mortgaged to the hilt.

No energy to come up with my own recipe today. Made these honey-apple muffins.


  1. Hilarious! But I think that movement is already going on ... it's called Whole Foods.=) But seriously does it not piss anyone else off that a majority of the "organic" foods you see available ARE junk foods? WTF.
    Even Green Polka Dot Box (for those that are in a food desert, or can't access quality _natural_ and organic goods, or can't bring themselves to drive to the grocery store...) there are over 136 types and flavors of "snacks", and only 12 grains, 2 packages of dried beans sold as "soup", and 28 prefab baking mixes. I sure hope they come through with what they promised as "local" fresh produce since that was such a big selling point - otherwise they seem no different than a "green" (cough) Amazon.
    Rant away! <3